Yes, folks… it’s that time again. Time for once-famous “celebrities” to strut their stuff on the dance floor in hopes of taking home the coveted prize: a 2nd chance at scraping together a bit of fame and cashing in before the last bits of self respect drip away. Let’s hope nobody breaks a hip this year!
The names have been released, so let’s take a look at who we have to look forward to seeing this year:
Pamela Anderson
“Actress”
Age: 42
One word: “ew.” Seriously? Pamela Anderson? Am I the only man in this country who isn’t turned on by plastic and peroxide? Even if she were ever “hot,” that had to be at least 30 years ago. This is why the terrorists really hate us, folks.
Erin Andrews
ESPN Reporter Babe
Age: 18 (butt) / 31 (everything else)
I don’t watch sports. At all. So I have no idea who Ms. Andrews is. That said, she has my attention. I tried finding a picture of her face on the internet, but it seems that the only photos out there are of her butt.
Shannen Doherty
Actress
Age: 38
Oh, come on… you’re only doing this because Jennie Garth did it first. In all seriousness, I hope she blows a gasket and picks a fight with Niecy Nash. I wouldn’t pay to see it, but I’d be willing to TiVo it and skip over the commercials to watch it.
Niecy Nash
Actress
Age: 40
Go on with your bad self.
Nicole Scherzinger
“Singer”
Age: 31
I have no idea which one she is, but I’m sure she’s probably one of them. Even if she’s the ugly one, I’ll probably still watch.
Kate Gosselin
Reality TV personality / Baby Factory
Age: 34
Don’t they make a cute couple? I’m really pulling for them. I bet their babies would be cute.
There are apparently a bunch of guys on the list, too, but… [yawn]