And now I know…

“Michael Jackson” are not just pretty words to say
I thought I knew
But now I know that he never grows old…

Because he’s a Cylon.  And here is the photographic evidence to prove it:


Take that, Ron Moore, you half-assed, half-season crap-bastard.  Your secret is out.

Michael Jackson is the Final Cyclon.

Jackson Five.  Final Five.  Coincidence?  I think not.

What do you think Mr. Jackson meant when he sang the following in “She’s Out Of My Life?”

She’s Out Of My Life
And I Don’t Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry
I Don’t Know Whether To Live Or Die

  • The “she” he’s referring to is obviously Caprica 6. He was so forlorn over her leaving him for Gaius Baltar that he went all pedophile-C3PO on us.
  • He can’t laugh because Cyclons are serious and don’t joke around.
  • He doesn’t know “whether to live or die” because now, with the Resurrection Hub destroyed, this death would be final, causing him to feel, for the first time, the internal existential struggle with life and death that we all face as mortals. Maybe in death… they become us?  Creepy!

Don’t you see it people?  It’s so obvious!  All that was needed was for the lyrics of Elton John and Michael Jackson to come together and make sweet love in the Eye of Jupiter to form a hybrid half-gay / half-pedophile toaster baby… now it all makes sense.

And now I know.

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  • Patrick Songy

    Cylons r serius bizness. Joke – they do not has.