HackerHaus
one man's ramblings about stuff.

Tonight was quite interesting.  Had a fantastic night at the dojo.  Talked to a very interesting visitor who may or may not decide to come back.  Enjoyed a light show unlike anything I’ve ever seen.  Weathered a storm unlike anything I’ve ever seen outside of a Japanese typhoon.  Circumnavigated flooded streets, stranded cars, and downed trees and power lines.  I even survived another Nerf gun war at work.  You know… the usual stuff.

I got home late after a long night at work and was still feeling a bit punchy, so I decided to do what any right-thinking person might:  I spent an evening watching “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

Wow… it was really MUCH worse than I had remembered.  (Greatest movie title EVER, though.) This one seriously ranks right up there on the lost-childhood-o-meter with “The Last Dragon” (Who’s the master now, Leroy?  Sho ‘Nuff.) and “The Greatest American Hero” (rockin’ theme song).

I miss the days when gangs wore matching outfits and broke out into spontaneous dance fights.  I miss the days when it was considered tough to wear a rolled-up hot pink bandana around your neck… as long as you could pop and lock like a bad ass.  Mostly, I guess I just miss the days when I didn’t miss the days.

The centerpiece of B2:EB was, of course, the delicious Lucinda Dickey as Kelly “Special K.”  Mmmmm…  Lucinda… [ahem].  Anyhoo, did you know she was also a Solid Gold dancer?  Wait… that’s not all!  She also starred as Cory in “Cheerleader Camp” (aka “Bloody Pom Poms” in the UK) and as Christie in “Ninja III: The Domination,” easily the greatest of any in the 80’s Ninja Domination genre.  (Hmmm… Kelly, Cory, Christie… I’m detecting a distinct dose of alliteration here…)  I was, however, disappointed to find out that she had a role in “Grease 2: (decisively not Electric Boogaloo).”

Providing the cloves and pineapple slice for the honey-glazed Dickey were the now-unubiquitous Adolfo “Shabba-Doo” Quinones as Ozone and Michael “Boogaloo Shrimp” Chambers as Turbo.  Among the still-influential dance moves brought forth by these titans in B2:EB were Ozone’s “blow magic fairy dust in the face of his opponent while making googly-eyes) thingy and Turbo’s “Dancin’ on the Ceiling” routine (which, believe it or not, preceded Mr. Lionel Ritchie’s “Dancin’ on the Ceiling” routine by a full two years!)

Ya know… I’m not sure what was worse:  the multi-color neon assault… the sonic wedgies… Ozone’s hot pink crop top… the cheese-ball acting…  Maybe it was just the total package: a full-frontal, all-out synergistic prison rape of every available cavity.

And is it just me… or can white, Hispanic, and Asian guys all breakdance better now than black guys could then?  What?  Only me?  OK… maybe I’ll let this one go.

The movie crescendos to a climax when the rival squad jumps up on stage for some improvised, planned-out, yet completely uninterestingly spontaneous choreography.  Finally, moved by an apparent wave of Liberal White Guilt, Special K’s folks drop a big, fat deus ex machina in the pot, thereby saving the day.

And yes, in case you were wondering… that was a young, leather-and-spike-clad Ice-T rapping in up during the final triumphant scene where our lovable street imps finally raise enough dead presidents to stick it to the man.  Yay.

I wonder if it’s available on Widescreen DVD yet…?