The Dear Leader is dead!
Long live the Dear Leader!
With the timely demise of his father, Kim Jong-un has been suddenly thrust into North Korea’s only working spotlight. Jong-un is the youngest son of the recently croaked Kim Jong-il and annointed successor to the family trailer park throne.
He’s also a four-star general in the DPRK Army, Deputy Chairman of the Central Military Commission of the Workers’ Party, and a member of the Central Committee. And he isn’t even 30 yet. Kinda makes you feel like a slacker, doesn’t it? (Yes, I’m talking to you, Ryan Reynolds.)
Kim Jong-un probably tortures more political prisoners before 5am than you do all day.
Rumor has it that the official nickname for the presumptive pudgy potentate, lovingly pre-shoved down the throats of his doting minions, will be “The Brilliant Comrade.” While it does have a certain old-world communism-y ring to it, I’d like to offer a few humble suggestions of my own:
- Dear Leader 2: Electric Boogaloo (The 김정은 Edition)!
- The Beer Leader
- Korean Peter Griffin
- Kungdungi Punim
- My Little Dictator
- Generalissimo James Franco
- Penis Potato Head
- Kim Jong-Kardashian
- Everybody Pyongyang Chung Tonight
- buh…
- Soft Kitty
- Kim Jor-El
- The Pasta King of Hoboken
and… my personal favorite…
- Lady Gogi
Out with the old, in with the new old. All he needs is the ajumma fro and a pair of Elvis’ old sunglasses, and he’ll be ready to rule. 감사합니다. 정말 감사합니다.
If you have your own ideas for nicknames for our new pal, please leave them in the comments section below (not on Facebook or Twitter, chucklehut). The world awaits.