Top 4 Things That Nicolas Cage Has Never Said

Nicolas Cage is famous for having said a lot of great stuff over the years.  We at HackerHaus have collected 4 lesser-known things NiCage has never said:

#4 — “I am a Dracula!”

dracula

#3 — “I am the Princess of Butterscotch”

Princess-Butterscotch

#2 — “問うは一旦の恥問わぬは末代の恥”

japanese

#1 — “ERMAGERD!  NRCLRS CRGE!”

ermagerd

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Writing Every Damn Day

Writing Every Damn Day

To write? Or not to write?  That isn’t the question.  The question is how often and about what to write.

If I were to begin writing Every. Damn. Day., I’d probably need to create some sort of schedule… you know, to limit the amount of actual thinking I’d have to do. In that spirit, I’ve been toying with a few ideas.

  • Massive Monday — I take a massive brain dump on the Internet
  • Turd-y Tuesday — I take a less-massive follow-up dump on the same aforementioned Internet
  • WTF Wednesday — Self-explanatory
  • Thoughtful Thursday — This is me being all philosophical and poetic and shit
  • Something That Starts With ‘F’ Friday — Falafels? Finger Foods?  f = ma?

Thoughts?  Maybe I could do Philosophical Phriday and muse about the things I have learned during that particular week.  So many things to ponder…

 

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Look! It’s a Heart-Shaped Cloud!

heart_cloud_confirmation_bias

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Hacker’s Law: The Internet Comment Proximity Asshole Effect

Yesterday’s post was—by far—the most read and discussed thing (to my knowledge) that I have ever published.  As of this writing, it has been shared on Facebook well over 300 times and has even generated a little bit of conversation on Reddit, mostly among people who don’t know me at all.  It’s weird to me that thousands of people I’ve never even spoken to are reading (and talking about) what I wrote.

Because I’m incredibly vain and insecure, I decided to eavesdrop on a few of the threads that a few of the re-posts generated.  I didn’t respond to anyone, but just surreptitiously let them have their say.  In the process, I found something interesting.

When the person who re-posted it made mention of the post having been written by a friend/acquaintance, the responses were polite.  Some, very much so.  Even when people disagreed on the subject—even just one or two points—they made it a point to compliment the writing and “logic” of the piece.  One comment on the article read, “Very well written. I hope it doesn’t fall on deaf ears.”  

All in all, the response was overwhelmingly supportive… more so than I could’ve ever expected.

jackie-chan-wtf-faceHowever, when the distance from the writer (that’s me) increased, I noticed that the ratio of negative to positive comments changed dramatically.  Quickly.  One guy even said something like (paraphrasing), “I’ll never agree with this.  I stopped reading after the first paragraph.”  Gotta love honesty.

Am I surprised?  Not in the least.  Am I surprised at how quickly politeness was eschewed for “fuck this asshole?”  Maybe a little.  It certainly seemed to escalate very quickly once the essay was re-posted more than one arm’s length away from anyone who knows me personally.

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An Open Letter to the Open Carry Community: Let’s Talk

Dear AR-15 Open Carry Enthusiasts,

Hello.  My name is Michael.  Like you, I am a responsible, peaceful firearms owner.  Let’s talk.

I know your rights are under assault.  Believe me… I feel the heat and rhetoric coming from the hoplophobes and statists as well.  There are a lot of things that the gun grabbers don’t seem to get.

  • Your rights, proud culture, and personal identity are under attack.  When people cry out for gun control as an answer to every violent act, they are painting you—the responsible, peaceful firearms owner—with the same brush they use to paint the murderer(s).  It’s unfair.
  • You are made fun of on the internet and in the media.  You are called names and belittled for the size of your penis.  You are accused of crimes that you have never even had the slightest thought of committing.  And yet, somehow, it is still your fault.
  • “Peaceful” gun control activists publicly, graphically, call for the horrific deaths of your children.
  • They aren’t really against guns… they’re against YOU having them.  They’re fine with an elite minority of people they’ve never met (e.g. police, Secret Service, FBI, and the military) being armed.  Just not you.  They’re fine with trusting people they have no rational or logical reason for trusting.  Just not you.
  • You’re tired of hearing the phrase “high capacity magazines.”  They are not “high” capacity.  They hold exactly the number of rounds the weapon was designed for.
  • You’re tired of hearing an AR-15 called an “assault” rifle.  You know that it is not an assault rifle.  It’s a rifle, no different from any other hunting rifle you could buy from Walmart… just scarier looking to the uninitiated.
  • You know that the problem isn’t the inanimate guns… it’s the human beings who, either deliberately or negligently, pull the trigger.
  • You know that laws don’t stop a determined criminal.

So… what are they saying about you?

  • You are ruining the country.
  • You are radical.
  • You are a danger to children and public safety in general.
  • You are wannabe Rambos.
  • You make them fear for the future of our country.
  • They demand your rights be taken away.  (The rights that belong to all of us.)

What are you trying to accomplish?

  • You are speaking (and acting) out because you are afraid of being disenfranchised.
  • You are trying to teach them that you carrying firearms openly in public is not a threat to them and that they have nothing to fear.
  • You are trying to make the presence of openly-carried firearms in public less of a big deal.
  • You are trying to communicate the fact that you are not harmful to them in any way.
  • You are trying to show them that normal people can peacefully carry firearms and never hurt a soul.
  • You wish they’d just leave you alone.

Believe it or not, you have a lot in common with other groups in this country.

Some folks are being denied a basic rights in many places in that other folks are free to exercise with no problem.  Like you, they just want to be left them alone to live their lives in peace.  Acceptance would be cool, but let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.  They just want to be free to who they are and do what they please.  They’re not harming anyone.  Just like you and I.

gay-men-kissing-84555978882

 

 

 

 

 

Allow me to flip the narrative a little.

new-york-city-gay-pride-parade-2013Let’s say that a small group of these folks, feeling that they are under attack and that their rights and  identities—hell, their very lives—are being threatened, decide to bring this to your small Alabammy town.  There he is… just minding his own business… waving his “gun” in your face.  No harm, no foul.  Sure, he’s wearing nothing but an Indian headdress and a smile.  Same difference, right?

No?  You don’t like him waving his massive purple weapon in your faces?  But… he’s perfectly harmless.  What’s the big deal?

How effective do you think his argument will be in convincing you to invite him over for pizza and beer to enjoy a regular guy football game like regular guys?  How effective do you think his parading around, waving his throbbing AR-12 (being generous, here) around for all to see, will be in persuading you to accept him and just leave him alone?  Do you think this approach would work for him?

You’d embrace him and say “Hell, you gay fellers is just like the rest of us!” right?

If not, why do you think you doing metaphorically the same thing is going to make people accept what you believe?  Do you see where I’m coming from?

Just because you have the right (for now… look at what Open Carry abuses did to carry laws in California) [edit – I neglected to mention that this lead—perhaps directly—to the Ninth Circuit Court striking down California’s restrictive law against handgun carry] that doesn’t mean you should exercise it in a way that shoots your cause (and mine) squarely and clearly in the foot.

oc_mapOpen Carry is legal in my state of Arizona.  As you can see, it is in many places.  When I’m going out into the desert, I’ll carry a .44 magnum or .45 ACP (maybe even a rifle, depending on what I’m doing).  But I won’t do it in town.  Why?  For one, it’s a tactically bad decision (nothing says “shoot me first, bad guys” like carrying openly).  But in keeping with the purpose of this article, the big reason I don’t do it is that it clearly scares the shit out of people who have no other reason to be scared of me.  Scared people make rash decisions. Opportunist politicians take advantage of emotion.  If someone is on the fence regarding the 2nd Amendment / Open Carry, then you, my friends, have just knocked them squarely off that fence and straight into “fuck that” territory.

Think hard about what you’re doing.  Think long.  Think long and hard… (sorry).  But seriously… think about this.  What do you actually think you’re going to accomplish with this besides turning polite society and US (the rest of the responsible, peaceful firearms community) against you and your actions?  If your attitude is “fuck you, I can do whatever I want!” I have news for you:  No… you can’t.

At the very least, you shouldn’t.  You are harming my rights.  My image.  My (relatively) good name.  What you are doing is injurious to the rights and image of all of us.  Please… think about this.  Then please stop doing it.

If, after careful consideration, you still decide to carry an AR-15 openly, I have a few final requests:

chipotle

  1. Shave off the fucking neckbeard.
  2. Drop the tacticool bullshit.
  3. Lose a few hundred pounds and dress sharp (a suit and tie would be appropriate).
  4. Be polite.
  5. Don’t engage trolls in emotional discussions, especially while armed.
  6. BE FUCKING POLITE.  Remember… armed and polite.  Please don’t forget about the polite part.  (See?  I even asked nicely.) If someone talks to you, no matter what their tone, you respond with “sir” or “ma’am,” not “you fucking statist libtard Obamazombie.”
  7. And finally… never, EVER brandish in public like the asshole on the right.  You, sir, should be both arrested and have your right to keep and bear arms removed.

Please… stop ruining things for the rest of us.

Thank you.

Posted in Firearms | 3 Comments

Breaux…

breaux

Posted in Humor, Memes | Leave a comment

Wait for it…

EpsteinBarr

Posted in Entertain, Humor, TV | Leave a comment

James Francis Byrnes

James_F._Byrnes

Posted in Humor, Politics | Leave a comment

2014

shinnen2014Happy New Year to all my friends and family in and from all parts of the world.

明けましておめでとうございます。 С Новым годом.  Feliz Ano Novo.  Hau’oli Makahiki Hou.  새해 복 많이 받으세요.  新年快樂.  नया साल मुबारक हो.  Bonne année.  Glückliches neues Jahr.  Feliz Año Nuevo.  Blwyddyn Newydd Dda.  Buon anno.  გილოცავთ ახალ წელს.  Heri ya Mwaka Mpya.  धन्य नयाँ वर्ष.  สวัสดีปีใหม่.  Šťastný Nový Rok.  سنة جديدة سعيدة

I’ll keep this simple…  2014 is going to be about creating stuff and kicking ass.  That is all.

悟りを得る前に、薪を割り、水を汲む。そして悟りを得た後も、薪を割り、水を汲む。

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Ten Ways the Original Battlestar Galactica is Still Better

CylonRaider-sl1Everyone knows that the newest BSG reincarnation is superior to the original.  Far superior, in fact.  Hotter chicks, better special effects, better writing, better actors, hotter chicks…  If you disagree with this, you probably think TV peaked with “Space: 1999.”  But, believe it or not, the original series was actually superior in a number of ways.

10.  The original Cylon ships were way cooler.  In fact, I submit that there has never been a cooler looking (imaginary) space ship ever created for a TV show or movie.  If Darth Vader had had a few of these babies in his inventory, Skywalker would’ve shit his diapers.

9.  The original Colonial Vipers are also cooler.  I’m especially fond of the hairspray nozzle booster jets.  And the wings, which are totally unnecessary in space.

8.  “Atlantia death squadron… attack!”  Damn right.

7.  PEW-PEW-PEW!  That’s right.  Lasers.

6.  The theme song.

5.  Commander Adama rocked the Army Military Intelligence Corps insignia.  The Viper pilots also wore them.  But Adama rocked them.

4.  Pre-A-Team Dirk Bennedict.  The Face before the Face.

3.  The original Cylons are so much more iconic and bad-ass than the newer Toasters.  The humanoid Cylons in the new series may be hotter, but nothing beats the original metalheads.

2.  Lorne Fucking Green.  Do I really need to elaborate on this?

1.  “By your command, imperious leader!”

 

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