Archive for August, 2008

Aug 29 2008

And now I know…

Published by Michael under humor, musings

“Michael Jackson” are not just pretty words to say
I thought I knew
But now I know that he never grows old…

Because he’s a Cylon.  And here is the photographic evidence to prove it:

cylon

Take that, Ron Moore, you half-assed, half-season crap-bastard.  Your secret is out.

Michael Jackson is the Final Cyclon.

Jackson Five.  Final Five.  Coincidence?  I think not.

What do you think Mr. Jackson meant when he sang the following in “She’s Out Of My Life?”

She’s Out Of My Life
And I Don’t Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry
I Don’t Know Whether To Live Or Die

  • The “she” he’s referring to is obviously Caprica 6. He was so forlorn over her leaving him for Gaius Baltar that he went all pedophile-C3PO on us.
  • He can’t laugh because Cyclons are serious and don’t joke around.
  • He doesn’t know “whether to live or die” because now, with the Resurrection Hub destroyed, this death would be final, causing him to feel, for the first time, the internal existential struggle with life and death that we all face as mortals. Maybe in death… they become us?  Creepy!

Don’t you see it people?  It’s so obvious!  All that was needed was for the lyrics of Elton John and Michael Jackson to come together and make sweet love in the Eye of Jupiter to form a hybrid half-gay / half-pedophile toaster baby… now it all makes sense.

And now I know.

One response so far

Aug 29 2008

Bloggin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo

Published by Michael under movie reviews, musings

Breakin\' 2: Electric Boogaloo

Tonight was quite interesting.  Had a fantastic night at the dojo.  Talked to a very interesting visitor who may or may not decide to come back.  Enjoyed a light show unlike anything I’ve ever seen.  Weathered a storm unlike anything I’ve ever seen outside of a Japanese typhoon.  Circumnavigated flooded streets, stranded cars, and downed trees and power lines.  I even survived another Nerf gun war at work.  You know… the usual stuff.

I got home late after a long night at work and was still feeling a bit punchy, so I decided to do what any right-thinking person might:  I spent an evening watching “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

Wow… it was really MUCH worse than I had remembered.  (Greatest movie title EVER, though.) This one seriously ranks right up there on the lost-childhood-o-meter with “The Last Dragon” (Who’s the master now, Leroy?  Sho ‘Nuff.) and “The Greatest American Hero” (rockin’ theme song).

I miss the days when gangs wore matching outfits and broke out into spontaneous dance fights.  I miss the days when it was considered tough to wear a rolled-up hot pink bandana around your neck… as long as you could pop and lock like a bad ass.  Mostly, I guess I just miss the days when I didn’t miss the days.

The centerpiece of B2:EB was, of course, the delicious Lucinda Dickey as Kelly “Special K.”  Mmmmm…  Lucinda… [ahem].  Anyhoo, did you know she was also a Solid Gold dancer?  Wait… that’s not all!  She also starred as Cory in “Cheerleader Camp” (aka “Bloody Pom Poms” in the UK) and as Christie in “Ninja III: The Domination,” easily the greatest of any in the 80’s Ninja Domination genre.  (Hmmm… Kelly, Cory, Christie… I’m detecting a distinct dose of alliteration here…)  I was, however, disappointed to find out that she had a role in “Grease 2: (decisively not Electric Boogaloo).”

Providing the cloves and pineapple slice for the honey-glazed Dickey were the now-unubiquitous Adolfo “Shabba-Doo” Quinones as Ozone and Michael “Boogaloo Shrimp” Chambers as Turbo.  Among the still-influential dance moves brought forth by these titans in B2:EB were Ozone’s “blow magic fairy dust in the face of his opponent while making googly-eyes) thingy and Turbo’s “Dancin’ on the Ceiling” routine (which, believe it or not, preceded Mr. Lionel Ritchie’s “Dancin’ on the Ceiling” routine by a full two years!)

Ya know… I’m not sure what was worse:  the multi-color neon assault… the sonic wedgies… Ozone’s hot pink crop top… the cheese-ball acting…  Maybe it was just the total package: a full-frontal, all-out synergistic prison rape of every available cavity.

And is it just me… or can white, Hispanic, and Asian guys all breakdance better now than black guys could then?  What?  Only me?  OK… maybe I’ll let this one go.

The movie crescendos to a climax when the rival squad jumps up on stage for some improvised, planned-out, yet completely uninterestingly spontaneous choreography.  Finally, moved by an apparent wave of Liberal White Guilt, Special K’s folks drop a big, fat deus ex machina in the pot, thereby saving the day.

And yes, in case you were wondering… that was a young, leather-and-spike-clad Ice-T rapping in up during the final triumphant scene where our lovable street imps finally raise enough dead presidents to stick it to the man.  Yay.

I wonder if it’s available on Widescreen DVD yet…?

One response so far

Aug 28 2008

Storm

Published by Michael under arizona

storm - 08/28/08

It started with constant, unending lightning orbiting Tempe.  Yes, I said orbiting.  Then the wind.  Then the rain.  Then the hail.

This storm flooded roads, killed power, stranded drivers, and threw 50′ trees out into the middle of University Drive (a 4 lane road + suicide lane).  Power lines were partially knocked over.  I had to drive over curbs and over trees to navigate my way back to work from the dojo.

The rain, wind, and hail was so loud, I couldn’t hear myself think.  The radio was knocked out.

Outside of a few typhoons I lived through in Japan, this is one of the worst, most beautiful storms I’ve ever seen.

One response so far

Aug 28 2008

Obama Pre-venge?

Published by Michael under politics, secrets

Wanna read some of Obama’s speech before he gives it tonight?

Disclaimer:  This COULD actually be real…

“Four years ago, I stood before you and told you my story – of the brief union between a young man from Kenya and a young woman from Kansas who weren’t well-off or well-known, but shared a belief that in America, their son could achieve whatever he put his mind to.

“It is that promise that has always set this country apart – that through hard work and sacrifice, each of us can pursue our individual dreams but still come together as one American family, to ensure that the next generation can pursue their dreams as well.

“It is why I stand here tonight.  Because for two hundred and thirty two years, at each moment when that promise was in jeopardy, ordinary men and women – students and soldiers, farmers and teachers, nurses and janitors — found the courage to keep it alive.

“We meet at one of those defining moments – a moment when our nation is at war, our economy is in turmoil, and the American promise has been threatened once more.

“Tonight, more Americans are out of work and more are working harder for less.  More of you have lost your homes and more are watching your home values plummet.  More of you have cars you can’t afford to drive, credit card bills you can’t afford to pay and tuition that is beyond your reach

“These challenges are not all of government’s making.  But the failure to respond is a direct result of a broken politics in Washington and the failed presidency of George W. Bush.

“America, we are better than these last eight years.  We are a better country than this.”

***

“This moment – this election – is our chance to keep, in the 21st century, the American promise alive.  Because next week, in Minnesota, the same party that brought you two terms of George Bush and Dick Cheney will ask this country for a third.  And we are here because we love this country too much to let the next four years look just like the last eight.  On November 4th, we must stand up and say: “Eight is enough.”

“Now let there be no doubt.  The Republican nominee, John McCain, has worn the uniform of our country with bravery and distinction, and for that we owe him our gratitude and respect.  And next week, we’ll also hear about those occasions when he’s broken with his party as evidence that he can deliver the change that we need.

“But the record’s clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush ninety percent of the time.  Senator McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush was right more than ninety percent of the time?  I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to take a ten percent chance on change.”

***

“You see, we Democrats have a very different measure of what constitutes progress in this country.

“We measure progress by how many people can find a job that pays the mortgage; whether you can put away a little extra money at the end of each month so that you can someday watch your child receive her diploma.  We measure progress in the 23 million new jobs that were created when Bill Clinton was President – when the average American family saw its income go up $7,500 instead of down $2,000 like it has under George Bush.

“We measure the strength of our economy not by the number of billionaires we have or the profits of the Fortune 500, but by whether someone with a good idea can take a risk and start a business, or whether the waitress who lives on tips can take a day off to look after a sick kid without losing her job – an economy that honors the dignity of work.

“The fundamentals we use to measure economic strength are whether we are living up to that fundamental promise that has made this country great – a promise that is the only reason I am standing here tonight.”

***

“That’s the promise we need to keep.  That’s the change we need right now.  So let me spell out exactly what that change would mean if I am President.

“Change means a tax code that doesn’t reward the lobbyists who wrote it, but the American workers and small businesses who deserve it.

“Unlike John McCain, I will stop giving tax breaks to corporations that ship our jobs overseas, and I will start giving them to companies that create good jobs right here in America.

“I will eliminate capital gains taxes for the small businesses and the start-ups that will create the high-wage, high-tech jobs of tomorrow.

“I will cut taxes – cut taxes – for 95% of all working families.  Because in an economy like this, the last thing we should do is raise taxes on the middle-class.

“And for the sake of our economy, our security, and the future of our planet, I will set a clear goal as President: in ten years, we will finally end our dependence on oil from the Middle East.

“Washington has been talking about our oil addiction for the last thirty years, and John McCain has been there for twenty-six of them.  In that time, he’s said no to higher fuel-efficiency standards for cars, no to investments in renewable energy, no to renewable fuels.  And today, we import triple the amount of oil as the day that Senator McCain took office.

“Now is the time to end this addiction, and to understand that drilling is a stop-gap measure, not a long-term solution.  Not even close.

“As President, I will tap our natural gas reserves, invest in clean coal technology, and find ways to safely harness nuclear power.  I’ll help our auto companies re-tool, so that the fuel-efficient cars of the future are built right here in America.  I’ll make it easier for the American people to afford these new cars.  And I’ll invest $150 billion over the next decade in affordable, renewable sources of energy – wind power and solar power and the next generation of biofuels; an investment that will lead to new industries and five million new jobs that pay well and can’t ever be outsourced.”

***

“We are the party of Roosevelt.  We are the party of Kennedy.  So don’t tell me that Democrats won’t defend this country.  Don’t tell me that Democrats won’t keep us safe.  The Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans  — Democrats and Republicans – have built, and we are to restore that legacy.

“As Commander-in-Chief, I will never hesitate to defend this nation, but I will only send our troops into harm’s way with a clear mission and a sacred commitment to give them the equipment they need in battle and the care and benefits they deserve when they come home.

“I will end this war in Iraq responsibly, and finish the fight against al Qaeda and the Taliban in Afghanistan.  I will rebuild our military to meet future conflicts.  But I will also renew the tough, direct diplomacy that can prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons.  I will build new partnerships to defeat the threats of the 21st century: terrorism and nuclear proliferation; poverty and genocide; climate change and disease.  And I will restore our moral standing so that America is once more the last, best hope for all who are called to the cause of freedom, who long for lives of peace, and who yearn for a better future.”

No responses yet

Aug 28 2008

Jumper

Published by Michael under arizona

Loop 101 at Elliot Road was reopened on Thursday following a nearly 20-minute closure as authorities tried to calm a suicidal man standing on a fence at the overpass.

At about noon, Department of Public Safety officials responded to the scene and shut down all lanes of the highway soon after, spokesman Robert Bailey said.

The highway reopened at about 12:30 p.m. after police took the man into custody, Bailey said.

For those of you not in my inner rhombus, 101 & Elliot is an extremely short walk from my house.  (And no… it wasn’t me on the bridge.)

[AZ Central]

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Aug 24 2008

How much Elvis would weigh…

Published by Michael under humor

…at various places in the solar system:

  • 7,140   pounds on the Sun
  • 97   pounds on Mercury or Mars
  • 255   pounds on Earth
  • 232   pounds on Venus or Uranus
  • 43   pounds on the Moon
  • 648   pounds on Jupiter
  • 275   pounds on Saturn
  • 303   pounds on Neptune
  • 13   pounds on Pluto

Shamelessly stolen from IRC @ work.

One response so far

Aug 11 2008

Quote of the Day

Published by Michael under quotes

“Russia has invaded a sovereign neighboring state and threatens a democratic government elected by its people.  Such an action is unacceptable in the 21st Century.”

– President George W. Bush on the Russian invasion of Georgia in August 2008

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Aug 02 2008

100 push ups: week one results

Published by Michael under exercise

Did all the push ups for week one.  My max on day three (after 15 / 13 / 10 / 10) was 22, for a grand total of 70 pushups today.  So, I started on week one with a max of 20, and this week, after doing 48 pushups, I was still able to beat my previous week’s max by 2.  Not too shabby.

I’m off to go cry now.

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