The Black Eyed Peas are Terrible and Must Be Stopped

Black Eyed PeasThe Black Eyed Peas are terrible… just terrible. I don’t know why this even needs to be said, but seeing as they keep releasing songs and showing up on TV, apparently people aren’t paying attention to the damage The Black Eye Peas are doing to America.  Every time you buy a Black Eyed Peas CD, the terrorists win.

Let’s see… 3 talent-light guys “sing” (read: talk) in unison, while a dubiously hot chick (with admittedly great legs) hangs out until it’s her turn to “belt.”

This brings me to the only part of this group worth much: Fergie.  By the way, why does anyone call her “Fergie” instead of “Stacy Ann Ferguson?”  I think that name is a lot classier and sounds a lot less like a butcher.  If I had a butcher, I’d call him “Fergie.”

What is Fergie’s job, anyway?  Slow-motion walk-in-place in pre-strip stripper clothes while the other guys talk in unison, then “sing” for a measure while the fellas drop back to watch her onion wiggle?  Fergie… why so conservative?  Love the butt-chin, BTW.

If you remain unconvinced, let’s delve into their lyrics… shall we?

“Boom Boom Pow”

Gotta get that
Gotta get that
Gotta get that
Gotta get that that that, that that

And can we forget the classic “My Humps?”

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)

She has a hunchback?  Ew.

And then there’s “Don’t Phunk With My Heart,” which… ugh… why even bother?

How do you think their “songwriting” sessions go?

Guy 1: “Yo, how ’bout we go ‘no no no no no no no no no’?”
Guy 2: “Word.  Then we say ‘yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.'”
Fergie:  “[squeak].”

Dear Black Eye Peas.  Please stop.

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  • Every time the Black Eyed Peas perform, Baby Jesus cries.

  • B4realandreveal

    @HACKERHAUS…THATS REALLY SAD THE EXPRESSIONS THAT FLOW FROM UR TONGUE, ITS OBVIOUS UR HEART IS DAMAGED. OUT OF THE MOUTH THE HEART SPEAKS… I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT SOMETHING R U SAVED(BORN AGAIN)? HMM.. IF NOT, WHAT HEART WOULD U ASK JESUS TO COME LIVE IN…LOL…GOD BLESS U!!!

  • More proof that the Black Eyed Peas are Terrible (and must be stopped). Even the news media is catching on to the fact that they are awful:

    http://soundcheck.ocregister.com/2011/02/06/black-eyed-peas-a-glittering-bore-at-super-bowl/43502/

    http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41452174/ns/today-entertainment/

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  • 醃猴關節龐珀尼克爾!

  • frekko

    ma che cazzo stai a di coglione sono dei grossi.

  • Warm welcomes! =)

  • Thanks for being awesome.

  • You’re right. I could be jealous.

    Or, as I pretty clearly stated, I might just think they’re awful and sound like baby brains being dragged over a microphone.

  • OK.

    (Wait, crap! I said something. Sorry. Oh, and sorry about the “sorry” too. Dammit.)

  • Thanks for reading. While you’re at it, why not try grammar?

  • … and hate punctuation.

  • Yes. Yes THEY “is.”

  • Ccfsd

    shut up

  • grace

    black eyed peas rule and their lyrics rock hated your artical p.s. listening to them right now

  • savannah

    shut up you stuipid hatr thats super rude i love the black eyed peas!

  • Aspiring artist

    Lol. You sound a bit jealous. Numbers don't lie and they are obviously making hits with their records. Get over it or start your own band. LMAO

  • rosabeatriz

    THE BLACK EYED PEAS IS SO GREAT AND I LIKE ME

  • Thanks for your concern for my mental and physical health. It makes me feel warm and squishy that my readers care about me. You know the feeling… like right when you have to pee, but haven't quite started peeing yet… that feeling? Then, like… right AS you start to pee? That's exactly how I feel right now.

    On your advice, I booked an appointment to see a head doctor. Unfortunately, he was really just a door-to-door cheese salesman, and now I'm out $50 and have a fridge full of cheese that I'll never finish.

  • At the moment, butt-crack.

  • I still have some vowels available (see above).

  • I'm glad someone finally called me out on my prejudices. My hatred of bad music which destroys freedom and cute wittle kitty cats sometimes gets the best of me. Thanks for keeping me honest. Stay golden, Pony Boy.

  • I have some vowels for sale if you'd like to buy one.

  • din

    I read what u have written. I am sure that you should get your head checked by a doctor. this is no joke. just take it seriously for your own good

  • Reason

    What kind of crack are you on?

  • Ke*****

    ur reatarded theyre da best there is nd their songs r awesome y do u think dey got album of '09? well its obvious dat they earned it because they work hard to please peoples needs of music and looks especially taboo!

  • I wish it were that easy. Unfortunately, I'm unable to stop listening or watching. Allow me to explain.

    You see… The Black Eye Peas are witches and they have put a hex on me, robbing me of my free will. My iPod plays nothing but B.E.P., even though I don't have any of their music on it. The clicker won't change channels when they are on. It doesn't matter if it's a music video or if one of their songs is merely being used as the theme for another commercial.

    I am in hell. Please make it stop.

  • nanani

    I THINK U R REALLY CRAZY… NOBODY IS ASKING U LISTEN THEM… SO IF U DONT LIKE THEM.. JUST TURN OFF THE RADIO OR DONT LISTEN THEM ON YOUTUBE.. EASY..

  • MrSRoSaDo

    Wat r u stupid or sumthin da black eyed peas r mad gud if u dnt think so den dats ur problem not every1 else if ppl likk different muzix den dats wat dey likk…every1 is different ok

  • johnny

    wow…. your prejudices really come to the fore in this posting! shame…

  • derekfyksen

    Zack, you're a fucking idiot! Stop sucking from main stream medias hairy nut-sack and find some music that actually has some meaning.

    In the mean time…………go kill yourself.

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  • WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU DIPSHIT! YOU CAN’T TELL PEOPLE WHAT MUSIC TO LISTEN TO, I FOR ONE THINK THE BLACK EYED PEAS HAVE VERY GOOD MUSIC! SO STOP TRYING TO PUT YOUR LAME ASS FOOT DOWN ON MUSIC YOU HYPOCRITICAL SACK OF SHIT!

  • WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU DIPSHIT! YOU CAN’T TELL PEOPLE WHAT MUSIC TO LISTEN TO, I FOR ONE THINK THE BLACK EYED PEAS HAVE VERY GOOD MUSIC! SO STOP TRYING TO PUT YOUR LAME ASS FOOT DOWN ON MUSIC YOU HYPOCRITICAL SACK OF SHIT!